Malcola Moments—— " What do you think I can’t get it up anymore? Is that it?  You’re looking at fucking Lazarus, sweetheart.  And not just plain Lazarus.  I’m fucking Self-Raising Lazarus, right."


In 4x02 Malcolm says to Ollie that Nicola is a very nice lady especially when she’s drunk,and I’ve always wondered if this was a hint to a possible one night stand they may have had. I don’t know what your theory was on this. Your take on a drunk Nicola interacted with Malcolm?

Thick of It AU: Malcolm and Nicola both went through punk phases in school.

Malcola Moments

"Quick summary: Andy Murray, famous tennis player…also lovely Scotch person.—Face of Healthy Lifestyle Choices. Nicola Murray, slightly-panicky minister lady, wonders if that’s okay with you.”


In 3.2 after “the kraken awakes,” Nicola smirks at Terri’s mention of teabagging — do you have a theory about this?

(as asked by teamdenbigh)

I don’t know if it rises to the grand heights of a theory, especially since Nicola can’t be seen when Terri actually says teabagging, but I would say from Nicola’s eyeline when the camera swings over to her that she seems to be watching Malcolm and not Terri, so if her face is doing anything, it’s a response to his* (at this point non-verbal and unfortunately for us unseen) reaction to Terri’s extremely unexpected choice of vocabulary

Because with that one word, Terri manages to stop Malcolm dead in his tracks in terms of his not-at-all unhinged totally OTT bollocking and even sort of vaguely scandalize/intrigue him in the way anyone would be if a prim and proper maiden aunt type started throwing around esoteric terms from the Urban Dictionary.  

*In the real world (which, of course, doesn’t count here), I would say it’s Rebecca responding since her reaction to even the most apocalyptic Malcolm meltdowns (i.e. the taxi scene from earlier on) was to laugh at his ridiculousness which isn’t exactly the reaction Nicola would be or should be having under the same circumstances. 


Malcolm makes none of the sense.

Malcolm makes all of the sense.


(406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in.(925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.


(406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
(925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.

Malcola Moments—— "Listen, Nicola. No offence but you’re not leadership material.  I mean, fucking curtain material in that outfit. But you know."


Sway, Malcolm, sway.

Malcolm always looks so wrong when he’s outside without the armor of his overcoat and scarf.  The outside is so not his natural habitat.

This is Ben at his most hairless Hagrid in terms of his size in contrast to Malcolm the scarecrow, but I do think it is just a little misleading.  I’m pretty sure when they are walking, Malcolm has stepped off the pavement (insert profound remark about him being in the gutter as he sets up Nicola), which gives Big Ben even more of a height advantage.

But really, what always gets me about this is when Malcolm says Are they?  and looks at Ben with such utter contempt.  In a funny sort of way, I think Malcolm is at his most honest when he’s with Ben.  Not honest in the sense of not telling lies — because of course he lies to Ben all the time — but emotionally honest in the sense of showing exactly what he’s feeling on his face since he knows Ben won’t get it.

Back in the Specials, Malcolm’s face would sometimes show a  kind of satanic glee when he was dealing with Ben, but by series 4 there wasn’t a lot of fun or joy in it, just bored exhaustion.  Although I guess it wasn’t entirely bad since we did get stoned Malc out of it, with his absolute insistence on differentiating between a pony and a baby horse while Ben ate all his biscuits.